The format is great. Within that format, I have some recos for clarity:
This is Room 1, not the Entrance, which might be the unnumbered hall south of room one?
Since you've admirably Jaquayed the dungeon, we don't know from which direction the PCs are entering Room 1. So a First Impression should include the stairway up. So should the Exits.
I'd also say First Impression is: *Six* statues, all in archaic dress: Five bearded men and one stern woman.
How is she separate? (You need to say which star on the map is her)
The exit section doesn't provide any information not already on the map. At the moment it is superfluous and could be removed. However, it could add information about those exits. Is the door ornate? Are there sounds or smells down the corridor? Are there tracks, spoor, etc? What is in this room that tells the players what is in those directions?
I had the same thought: is it necessary to take-up space in a published product by including the exits and where they lead? Since the information is clear by looking at the map.
It's fine but mundane, I would prefer that first impressions was a bit more evocative. Plus I would include the size of the statues in the first impressions- are they 5 metres tall and huge or life-size?
I like the basic idea of the pyramid - big and obvious on down to small details.
I'd feel a bit better about considering that in both the room and the contents. For instance:
First impression: [Size] room dominated by a half dozen [Statue Size] humanoid statues. No obvious inhabitants. Multiple exits.
Second glance: The statues are arranged in a group of 5 with bearded heads, and one similarly dressed with a female head. The room looks like it is seldom visited. Besides the door you opened, there are exits on each other wall.
Details: The statues wear archaic Thulian dress and all 5 male heads are identical. Religion: The male heads are Turms Termax and the female statue is Sarana. Search: The male heads are replacements and are removable with Open Doors check.
Note: [Size} isn't exact - use "Very Large" instead of 100 x 60, or "Feasthall sized" kind of thing. [Statue Size} also general - "Life sized", "Double sized", whatever.
This would give me as a player (or reader) information in the order that I think I am most likely to assimilate it walking into a room for the first time - general sense of space, general sense of what draws attention, then progressively more detail.
I like the way you massaged James’ description, except that I think it’s assumed the PCs came down the staircase (no door there) and the exit description should mention the double doors in the south as a contrast to the single door on each other wall. And probably a mini-map of the room should be next to the description, obviating the need to detail exits.
When the room is occupied, the description will get more complicated because the PCs probably won’t even be able to see everything before the encounter begins. For example, if this room was still in use and guards were notified of the PCs’ approach, they might ambush them after a couple entered, before they noticed the exit on the NE wall. But with a mini-map
Love it. I'd add what distinguishing factors might differentiaye the exits for the PCs, so their choice of exit is at least informed by some minimal data.
I just wish that, for oddly-shaped rooms like this one in particular, there was a guide for the Referee to describing the first impression of its shape. Not so necessary for a rectangular room like 3 here, but 1 is a sort that has always been a nightmare for me - I maybe first noticed the issue with that old ad for a graphics program for displaying dungeon maps showing a serpent-DM describing a double-parallelogram room and putting his players to sleep with the description.
This is pretty clear, but I don't think the "first impressions" needs to be bullets. Could just be a short evocative paragraph. Under details, bullet 1 and 3 are both lore and should be together. There should be another bullet explaining where the heads are in the rest of of the dungeon, and what happens if you return them. Listing exits is unnecessary because it's on the map.
Dear James .. You are aware that I don't use published materials at the table; however, my personal notes for a session are not too dissimilar to these (so I am inclined to like them on personal grounds). Of course, there might be further discussion/ refinement as to what categories / subsections of information are included in such a room description (as you and others say in the Substack comments, it is different writing descriptions for unknown others versus an idiosyncratic aide-mémoire for oneself), but the format is very clear and usable. .. It could tempt me to the 'dark side' .. and heretofore I never figured you for a malign influence ;) .. Cheers! Matthew.
ReplyDeleteThe format is great. Within that format, I have some recos for clarity:
ReplyDeleteThis is Room 1, not the Entrance, which might be the unnumbered hall south of room one?
Since you've admirably Jaquayed the dungeon, we don't know from which direction the PCs are entering Room 1. So a First Impression should include the stairway up. So should the Exits.
I'd also say First Impression is: *Six* statues, all in archaic dress: Five bearded men and one stern woman.
How is she separate? (You need to say which star on the map is her)
That's it. Again, great format.
The exit section doesn't provide any information not already on the map. At the moment it is superfluous and could be removed. However, it could add information about those exits. Is the door ornate? Are there sounds or smells down the corridor? Are there tracks, spoor, etc? What is in this room that tells the players what is in those directions?
ReplyDeleteI had the same thought: is it necessary to take-up space in a published product by including the exits and where they lead? Since the information is clear by looking at the map.
ReplyDeleteIt's fine but mundane, I would prefer that first impressions was a bit more evocative. Plus I would include the size of the statues in the first impressions- are they 5 metres tall and huge or life-size?
ReplyDeleteI like the basic idea of the pyramid - big and obvious on down to small details.
ReplyDeleteI'd feel a bit better about considering that in both the room and the contents. For instance:
First impression: [Size] room dominated by a half dozen [Statue Size] humanoid statues. No obvious inhabitants. Multiple exits.
Second glance: The statues are arranged in a group of 5 with bearded heads, and one similarly dressed with a female head. The room looks like it is seldom visited. Besides the door you opened, there are exits on each other wall.
Details: The statues wear archaic Thulian dress and all 5 male heads are identical. Religion: The male heads are Turms Termax and the female statue is Sarana. Search: The male heads are replacements and are removable with Open Doors check.
Note: [Size} isn't exact - use "Very Large" instead of 100 x 60, or "Feasthall sized" kind of thing. [Statue Size} also general - "Life sized", "Double sized", whatever.
This would give me as a player (or reader) information in the order that I think I am most likely to assimilate it walking into a room for the first time - general sense of space, general sense of what draws attention, then progressively more detail.
I like the way you massaged James’ description, except that I think it’s assumed the PCs came down the staircase (no door there) and the exit description should mention the double doors in the south as a contrast to the single door on each other wall. And probably a mini-map of the room should be next to the description, obviating the need to detail exits.
DeleteWhen the room is occupied, the description will get more complicated because the PCs probably won’t even be able to see everything before the encounter begins. For example, if this room was still in use and guards were notified of the PCs’ approach, they might ambush them after a couple entered, before they noticed the exit on the NE wall. But with a mini-map
…but with the map or mini-map, the reader should be able to adjudicate that.
DeleteLove it. I'd add what distinguishing factors might differentiaye the exits for the PCs, so their choice of exit is at least informed by some minimal data.
ReplyDeleteI just wish that, for oddly-shaped rooms like this one in particular, there was a guide for the Referee to describing the first impression of its shape. Not so necessary for a rectangular room like 3 here, but 1 is a sort that has always been a nightmare for me - I maybe first noticed the issue with that old ad for a graphics program for displaying dungeon maps showing a serpent-DM describing a double-parallelogram room and putting his players to sleep with the description.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty clear, but I don't think the "first impressions" needs to be bullets. Could just be a short evocative paragraph. Under details, bullet 1 and 3 are both lore and should be together. There should be another bullet explaining where the heads are in the rest of of the dungeon, and what happens if you return them. Listing exits is unnecessary because it's on the map.
ReplyDelete