Wednesday, August 13, 2008

2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Winner ...

... in the category of Fantasy Fiction is a true classic. I think there's deep wisdom here that applies equally to the field of roleplaying game design.
"Toads of glory, slugs of joy," sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.
All that and more wretched prose to be found here.

9 comments:

  1. "...for the sclera of this Mage's eyes were ebon as jet."

    Master and Apprentice
    Chapter 28
    Dragondoom by Dennis McKiernan.

    Just read further for more badness. I mean, really bad badness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Two friends of mine both contend to this day that Dragondoom is in fact the worst fantasy novel ever written.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...ebon as jet...

    *snerk*
    His taut thews were as steely as iron. Her obsidian eyes glittered like volcanic glass. Try it, it's fun!

    Two friends of mine both contend to this day that Dragondoom is in fact the worst fantasy novel ever written.

    If they'd read The Eye of Argon they wouldn't make such rash claims.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If they'd read The Eye of Argon they wouldn't make such rash claims.

    In their defense, I believe they mean "ever published" rather than ever put to paper. The Eye of Argon wins hands down otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
  5. As one of the people in question, all I can say for sure is that's it's the worst fantasy novel I've ever attempted to read. That, and you can play the Eye of Argon game just fine with Dragondoom.

    Besides, a publisher paid actual money for Dragondoom, and it has stayed continuously in print. Plus there's this:

    As Wind stepped forth from the reeds, suddenly the pony stopped its struggling. The Dwarf looked up, and his gaze locked with Elyn's his eyes narrowing--just as hers had--at the sight of this tall, leather-clad, steel-helmed, green-eyed, copper-haired Woman!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Uncle! Uncle!

    (Perversely I now want to read the damn thing...)

    ReplyDelete
  7. You can read the prologue and opening chapter on Amazon. Try that before you actually consider buying it. I don't think the stuff I quoted above was even the worst bit.

    ReplyDelete
  8. A message of DOOM from the city library system:

    "Your request for Dragondoom / Dennis L. McKiernan was successful. You will be notified when the item is ready for pickup."

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.